Lizzie visits her friends

 

Once upon a time there lived a wonderful old woman named Lizzie. Lizzie was a very special woman. She was so special that she owned a whole country. In fact she owned several. She owned Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands and Belize. She was even Paramount Chief of Fiji, though she puzzled over what that meant.

 

One splendid country was lucky enough to be Lizzie’s absolute favourite. And that was the United Kingdom which she loved with all her heart. She cried for days when a band of hardened cartographers armed with compasses and rulers had thwarted her wish to rename it United Queensland. But she got over it quickly as she loved the place so much.

 

Lizzie was lucky that United Queensland, which she secretly still called it when no one was around, loved her too. She was so popular in her favourite country that she never had to pay for anything. Her happy subjects bought her all sorts of wonderful prezzies to show how much they cared. They decorated her palaces and castles. They bought her a special choo-choo that only she could ride on. They bought her a big boat and a fleet of cars and even a golden horse-drawn carriage. They paid for all her lovely food and drink and nice dresses and jewellery and works of art and trips abroad and all just because they loved her so much. 

 

To repay their generous spirit, Lizzie worked hard for her subjects. She made them well when they were ill. She locked away fiendish criminals so they couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. And she taught children their ABC’s. But sadly Lizzie was getting older, and doing all of that was very difficult for one old lady, even one as special as Lizzie. So she asked some friends to help.

 

These friends formed a Parliament who met for four days a week, twenty-six weeks a year, to help tell lots of teachers and doctors and nurses and policemen to do all the things that Lizzie couldn’t do on her own anymore.

 

And so every year Lizzie would become Queenie for one day on which she would put on a crown and visit the special palace used by her friends. There she would sit on her decorative throne that absolutely was not “just” a bench covered in velvet no matter what that French upstart Napoleon once said. And from her throne she would explain what everyone should be doing to make the bestest country in the whole wide world even betterer.

 

Unfortunately Lizzie’s friends were not as wonderful as her. They started to steal people’s money so that they too would not have to pay for food and drink and cars and homes. Just like their friend Lizzie.

 

When people realised they got angry. Many of Lizzie’s friends quit running the country. Others demanded changes in the law to stop it all happening again. One, a yellow man named Cleggy, even suggested Lizzie should stay away until the whole mess was sorted out.

 

Fortunately Cleggy was not very popular, so Wavey and Grdn Broooon, who could not stand to miss their visit from lovely Queenie, told him to shush his mouth and stay shushed.

 

And so, tomorrow, Lizzie will tell her friends to merge something called a DfID with another thing called the Foreign Office. She will ask them to spend more on health care. Again. She will tell them to be nastier to criminals. Again. And she will tell them not to be naughty any more or she would be very disappointed in them all.

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2 Responses

  1. It was a really nice thought! Just wanna say thank you for the selective information you have diffused. Just continue writing this kind of post. I will be your loyal reader. Gives Thanks over again.

  2. Thanks for the comment. The site went quiet over Christmas but will be more active again now – so I hope you find plenty interesting to read.

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